Jake shooting Silly String at Daddy Don

Learning to breathe again

When you lose someone that is incredibly important to you, it's almost like you have to learn to breathe all over again. In those first days after they die, you just walk around in a shell of a body doing things you have to do and saying things you have to say. After a week or so, you realize that you haven't been breathing - just going through the motions of life. We're trying to learn how to breathe again here at our house and it's tough.

My Mom died in 2001 just a few weeks before my 26th birthday. She was barely 58 years old. I was absolutely, positively devastated. I had sold my house the year before and moved back in with her for several months so she and I were together every single day. She was without a doubt my very best friend in the world. She was the only person who never judged me and always loved me just the way I was. I thought I would fall off the earth when she died. I don't know how long I went around without breathing after her death, but it was a long long time. She had suffered for years with rheumatoid arthritis and had problems with blocked arteries that had required surgery once before. I nearly lost her when I was 12, again when I was 19 and then God chose to take her home when I was 25. My only consolation was that I knew she was in heaven. She was no longer suffering from the debilitating pain she had felt for so long. She would have to endure no more surgeries. She would never have to be in a wheelchair or use a cane. She was at peace with our Lord and would never hurt again. That didn't make losing her any easier, but I was grateful that she was no longer suffering.

That has been the hardest thing to deal with about Daddy Don's death. He wasn't suffering at all. He was probably one of the healthiest people I know. He spent two weeks every year climbing mountains in Colorado elk hunting and two weeks every year in Missouri hunting turkeys. He spent every day of deer season in Arkansas in the woods. Bow season starts in September, then comes muzzleloader and then rifle. He hunted them all. Turkey season starts in the spring and that was probably his favorite time of all, because he and Mike often hunted together. He spent his summers fishing on Lake Columbia, usually with JuJu reading a book alongside him. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Daddy Don. He was probably in better physical shape than most 30 year old men, much less 59 year old's. I can't say he was taken too soon, because God's timing is always perfect, but we weren't ready to let him go.

Last Wednesday, he went to work and came home like he always did. He and JuJu went over to Rhonda's house and saw her and Lance and the girls, Emma and Amy. Emma is 7 and Amy is 4. Then he and JuJu came over to our house to visit. Jake was so excited because Mike had just finished his eight point skull mount that day and hung it on the wall in Jake's room. He was so proud and couldn't wait to show Daddy Don. They played in Livi's room and she put bows in his hair. He got down on the floor and growled at Olivia and she would hide behind my legs and cackle. She loved it and he did, too. Daddy Don absolutely adored all four of his grandchildren. The funniest thing they did that day was with Jake and I'm so thankful that I took pictures and video. Santa brought him a can of Silly String in his stocking, and he brought it out while Daddy Don was sitting on the couch and showered him in Silly String. It was absolutely hysterical. He and Jake laughed and laughed. Daddy Don was one of the funniest guys in the world. We all went out so he could see the mountain goat Mike had finished that day. I went in the shop first intentionally because I wanted to be able to see Daddy Don's face when he saw it. It was priceless. He was so so proud of Mike. Mike quit his job at Albemarle in March of 2006 and everyone, especially his Dad, was nervous about it. It's scary to quit a really well paying job and start a business of your own, but Mike did it, and God has definitely blessed us. It was so neat so see Daddy Don's eyes light up everytime he saw some of Mike's work. "That's perfect!" he would say. That was definitely his trademark expression. I don't know how Mike is going to get through the coming weeks, months and years without hearing that. It's going to be so tough. He and his Dad were really great friends.

After they left here, Daddy Don and JuJu went home. He had a peanut butter sandwich, looked some stuff up on the computer, watched part of the game on the tv and fell asleep in his recliner. All normal stuff. He hadn't complained with anything and he was absolutely fine. Judy woke him up to go to bed and he sat down to turn off the computer. There is of course more to the story, but the just of it is that he had an aneurysm and was pronounced dead just a short time after that at the hospital. It all happened SO quickly. Mike, Rhonda and Judy were all at the hospital and when Mike called me so soon after he left home and told me that Daddy Don had died, all I could say was that I didn't understand. That's essentially how we all feel. We don't understand.

Daddy Don was probably as happy as he had ever been in his life. He had a wonderful, sweet wife, two successful children who are very happily married, and four grandchildren that he loved more than anything in the world. We all lived close by and saw each other often. He had started giving the devotions in church before Sunday school and was just finishing out deer season getting ready for turkey season. Life was about as good as it could get. Why God chose this time to take him home we don't know. We don't understand any of this. We love him and we miss him and right now it just seems really unfair.

So, we're learning to breathe again. It hurts to breathe and I don't know what we're going to do without him. Judy, Mike and Rhonda need your prayers so much. We all do, but especially them. Judy is much too young to lose her husband of 40 years. Mike and Rhonda still had things to learn from their Daddy. You don't even want to get me started on how much it hurts that our children won't be able to know him more, love him and learn from him. I can at least say I have no more regrets about our adoption. I am INCREDIBLY thankful that we left Jake here with Daddy Don and JuJu for the 3+ weeks we were gone. Jake spent nearly all of his time with him. Daddy Don sent me some pictures of him and Jake in the deer stand while we were in Vietnam. I wouldn't trade those weeks with them together for anything in the world. God knew what he was doing. I just couldn't see it at the time.

Thank you all so much for your prayers over the last week. Please continue to pray for us as we learn to live without the man that meant so much to all of us. I want to leave you with just a few random words and phrases that remind me of Daddy Don. I started writing them down the day after he went to heaven. If you knew him, they'll no doubt bring up a memory or two for you as well.

Dr. Pepper, cooncats, mouse in the Kleenex box, Mike Mike, Jake's huntin' buddy, playing the guitar, perfect, doin', The Cow (aka JuJu's Moo Moo), hating corn, throwing corn, can tabs, VW beetle, the carwash, Wal-Mart hunting section, Daddy Don's hunting room, starched Albemarle shirts, target practice, I got just the thing, give me a smack, in the hole...thanks for cleaning my toilet bowl, Dr. Pepper (it deserves to be mentioned twice), ticklish feet, check the fluids, flashlights, looking for blood, scouting for turkeys, Munn Hill, the pipeline stand, camo overalls, Hershey's Kisses