The hardest job you'll ever love...

That's what the Army says, right? It's the hardest job you'll ever love? I'd have to disagree. I think the job of pastor is the hardest job you'll ever love. The second hardest job?? PASTOR'S WIFE. Right now though, I'm not loving it. In fact I'm not liking it at all. I think there must be some unspoken thing between pastor's wives that they don't tell the wives of men who are feeling led to the ministry. Those women out there who are already pastor's wives don't tell those women how hard it's going to be because if they did we might possibly do everything we could to talk our husbands out of surrendering. (For the record, I wouldn't have done that even if I HAD known how hard it was going to be.) The fact is that I'm SO PROUD of my husband. I sit in church 3 times a week and listen to my husband from the pulpit in amazement. He is God called, God ordained and God FILLED. He is an incredible blessing to me and I can't imagine him not preaching. I just didn't know what my role would be in this. I had no idea what life would be like as "The Pastor's Wife." I feel like that should be written in blood on black velvet. It's very daunting.

For whatever reason, a pastor and his wife (and their children, God help them) are held to a higher standard. We live in our little fish bowl and everyone feels they have the right to peer in anytime they want to see what we're up to. They rarely feed us though. Does anyone honestly think I would intentionally hurt them or offend them? Does anyone honestly think that I would say something to hurt their feelings ON PURPOSE???? I have never in my life had every word I say critiqued in such a manner. Everything I do and say goes under the microscope for inspection. I'm FAR from perfect. I have never claimed to be. I also don't understand why it's easy to forgive a regular person for their imperfections, but so difficult to forgive a pastor or his wife. Why in the world are we put into solitary confinement for saying the wrong thing when normal people simply get a slap on the hand? I'm perplexed. I'm frustrated. I'm tired.

I was told this week - not very nicely (and along with LOTS of other things) - that I'm not a "cookie cutter pastor's wife." (My first thought on that of course is why would I want to be?) Anyway, I read something today that was written by another pastor's wife about the same sort of thing. I'll stick her words in here for you to read for yourself.

I am a pastor’s wife of 37 years and early in our ministry I realized that everyone in the
pew had their own philosophy of what they deemed a “Pastor’s Wife” should be. If we went to a church that had 500 parishioners, there were 500 philosophies. Then I realized even my husband had his own philosophy. Then there was mine. I was raised in church and had a few different pastor’s wives so I had developed one, also. One day in prayer I told the Lord that He was going to have to give me the philosophy that would work for me because I would never measure up to all those different ideologies. This is what He spoke to my heart and said. Your philosophy should be as the pastor’s wife -- YOU TAKE CARE OF THE PASTOR!

Oh man!! I can't tell you how that spoke to my heart today. I'm freaking out trying to figure out how to be the perfect "pastor's wife" and do all that goes along with that, when all I really needed to be doing is taking care of the pastor! PRAISE GOD!!!!!! I'm not in charge of the universe! I have been thrilled to be called as my husband's helper. This is a role I have cherished for nearly 6 years. God called me to be a wife and mother. These are the sacred roles God entrusted me with. My job isn't to take care of the flock. That's the shepherd's job. My only job is to take care of the shepherd. Is anyone else amazed when God gives them EXACTLY what they need to hear? I have opened the Bible so many many times and turned to exactly what God wanted me to read to get out of any and every situation I've ever been in. On the occasions when I actually paid attention of course it all worked according to His plan. Well today I'm listening. God told me (via the internet of all things) that my job is to simply take care of my husband. He'll take care of the rest.

He also gave me this verse. At first it made absolutely no sense to me as to what it had to do with my situation but after reading it the third time it finally struck me.

Endure harship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer. 2 Timothy 2:3,4

I want to serve in my church. I want to get along with people and make friends. I want to fellowship and enjoy time with my sisters in Christ. God said to me - That's all great, but you are a soldier. It's your job to please your commanding officer. We often get confused about our reason for going to church. I want to make people happy. I want to teach my Sunday School class. I want to sing well. I want to look nice. I want to make other people feel good about themselves. I want to make people smile and laugh. These are all things I WANT. Sometimes they are also things God wants, but what God wants (and I know this because it's in HIS WORD) is to please my commanding officer. The only reason I should go to church is to worship God and to serve God. Often that entails the things I want to do, and sometimes it doesn't, but regardless - those wants should never overshadow what GOD wants.

Having said all of this, I'm personally feeling a little bit better about my "pastor's wife" situation. Now we just have to pray that the others around me will receive word from God about the same thing! I also will keep praying for God to discipline my tongue and allow me to say only that which will be taken the right way. With God all things are possible. I've just got to keep reminding myself of that.

This wife and mommy are hoping that you have a blessed day and that you'll keep her (and her husband and children) in your prayers :<)